PNG'd

before I forget to mention:

Due to the paranoia of the previous regime every building in the IZ is unconnected to sewer lines. This isn't such a bad thing since elsewhere in the city they're next to the water mains. Think of the ways this could go wrong.

Add to that the small issue that tanks and APCs are frigging heavy. And the concrete used to make the pipes is very old and very fragile.

One saving grace: water mains are kept at a much higher pressure than sewage pipes. Think of why that's a good thing.

The result is that with a population several hundred times larger than intended the septic tanks are ... well... "oversubscribed." The tanker trucks that pump the waste are constantly circling, parking, and sucking. The smell is remarkable. As is the occasional overflow.

So long story short: Keep your freaking boots off the couch.

Posted by pngd at 06:22 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

You don’t understand. They’re gonna take my thumbs!

Long time no write. But I’ve had a good reason. Those of you in the magical mysterious world of USG contracting are familiar with the dance of terror that occurs when one contract comes to a close and the next is in negotiation.

Suppliers: So should I just set fire to everything in the warehouse now or are you going to pay me for next month?
Us: Christ, no! we’ll pay we’ll pay! We just need USG approval before we can commit the funds.
Suppliers: Commit the funds? Fuck that. Cash in hand tomorrow or I’m liquidating the stock.
Us: eeep

Badge authorities: Sorry, no renewals of your badges. Your contract expires in a month.
Us:We’ve got a new contract!
Badge authorities: Show me.
Us: uh… we’re waiting on the signature… but we can’t even go to the airport without a new badge!
Badge authorities: Get out.
Us: eeep

Local Partners: So, if I understand this correctly: your mandate may expire in a few weeks and then we could go looking for a more profitable arrangement?
Us: You’re a non-profit! How profitable can any arrangement be?
Local Partners: It’s not you it’s us. We’ll call, though. We promise.
Us: eeep

Boss: Since we don’t have a signature on our next contract we need to make a contingency plan for cost savings. Would the lowest ranking, least useful, most recently hired person in the room please shit himself in terror?
Me: eeep

The frustrating part is the I, you, the USG, and that yellow dog all know that we’re going to stick around. We’ll get the contract signed and we’ll go back to work trying to make some tiny bits of this country less broken. But because this whole place is US bureaucracy imposed on a crippled socialist state nothing works without a whole ream of stamped, signed, vetted, and multi-national forces approved documentation.

It’s not that people are incompetent. The armed services, the contractors, and the USG have put their most motivated and experienced people out here. Any indications to the contrary are a telling comment on the average person in America. But we’re hamstrung by the way accountability is measured. It comes down to: if you don’t sign for it you can’t be blamed for it. And with a project this important, in a country this fucked up, you can’t let people get away with incompetence or out-right theft. Some shitbags will still lie, cheat, steal, and profiteer. But if you catch ‘em and you’ve got a signature you can punish ‘em. So we tolerate the paperwork.

There’s so much money, so many people, and such total chaos here that we’ll never catch them all. But I’ve already seen people get noticed, get caught, and get punished. Even if events don’t go our way at least down here at ground level we tried to be fair, and decent, and responsible. So I have hope.

PS. I just got a call that there’s a fresh beer shipment in town and my lawn furniture was delivered. How can you not be hopeful?

Posted by pngd at 03:05 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

It’s gettin’ hot in here. And only my fast depleting cultural sensitivity keeps me from stripping naked and running through the sprinkler.

It’s not quite DC in August “OhmigodIcamsmellthetouristsrenderingintheirownskin” nasty hot but it’s getting there. It’s only mid May and it's already the nasty dry heat that makes your eyes ache as soon as you open the door and leaves everyone rasping like the morning after.

And I put off doing inventory until now…

“OK, head out to the car park and check that all the cars are still there.”
“What… really? We ride in ‘em everyday. It’s not like they’re gonna jump the fence and start a new life on a Tuscan farm.”
“Go. Go now. ”

And five minutes later I’m on my knees in the black gravel searching for the office serial tag attached last year somewhere on the frame. I’m scorched through my jeans and thrashing at the omnipresent flies with my head under the car only lead to the early stages of concussion. Thankfully the flies distracted me from the ants who had methodically worked their way up into my delicate places.

After attempting to chase off the rising heatstroke with coffee (doesn’t work), while cataloging broken printers, I found out that our security team has been working in an un-air-conditioned office for the last eight months.

“Why the hell didn’t you say something?”
“Didn’t want to complain”

- If I respond to that I could get shot - they whine constantly and with the dedicated manner of professional whingers. Except about things that would bring their invulnerability in question.

Thirsty? Wounded? De-fenestrated? No use crying, mate.
Nothing on TV? You’d think someone shot the cat-who-shall-not-be-harmed.

It’s getting hot.

Posted by pngd at 12:15 PM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

Go ahead, say "it could be worse" one more time.

I still can't make it all the way down the hall without falling over but the worst has definitely passed. And so in the spirit of my well wishers :

Ways the Last 36 hours could have been worse

- The generators could have failed. Resulting in:
The AC would have stopped working
The toilets wouldn’t have flushed.
Port a potty by flashlight
- The sewage system could have backed up again
- I could have had a full breakfast instead of the one cup of coffee
- I could have fallen into the glass shower door instead of the wall
- Those could have been my only clean cothes
- I could have run out of Gatorade.

And number one:

- 20 minutes later I would have been in that meeting I’ve spent two weeks setting up. Better to have canceled I think.

Also: Here’s the cat. If you see this cat do not shoot it.

You only get the one warning.

UPDATE: I think I fixed the picture. This whole blogging thing convinces me that I graduated one year too early to be able to do anything online that's a) legal b) interesting. FTP warez/mp3 ratio sites? check. Blogger? no clue.

Posted by pngd at 04:48 AM | Permalink | Comments (2) | TrackBacks (0)

No wonder I always look bloodshot.

I’ve been sitting outside typing for 20 minutes and I can see a new layer of dust on my keyboard that’s piled in with the wind. I just showered and I’m already covered in grit. Of course, I'm sitting outside typing and I know where to find beer. So it's better than it could be.

Posted by pngd at 10:59 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

the only thing they get is offended.

And it should not be necessary to re-learn this every week. If I disappear it's because nobody realized I was trying for sarcasm. Warn the others...

-PNG

Posted by pngd at 03:48 PM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)