Your papers are not in order. There will be a problem
Visa? I don’t need a visa. I’m here by invitation of two governments, three international bodies and my mommy.
The visa rules have changed. “Since when?” We queried, sure that there was a mistake. “They are different now.” The disinterested reply.
Not entirely disinterested. We had interrupted his coffee break and ruined what was going to be a spectacular day off. Except for our flight the entire airport was closed. His boss was on vacation and the rules were fuzzy enough that enforcement was nine tenths of the law.
“Well, we have fulfilled the old rules, and we have a letter from your government saying we don’t need a visa.” “No. You must have a visa.” No grey area there…
Well, we can see the heavily armed guys on the other side of the terminal. That’d be our ride. Should we bum rush it? It’s the wild west out here. Big guys, big swaggers, big belt buckles.
No. We're not going anywhere without permission. It *is* the wild west out here. If you blow past any security or give anyone a bad vibe, they’ll ventilate you. There’s no controlled escalation here and no need for apologies.
“Your colleague ignored the checkpoint instructions? And without warning his ride was turned into a three ton armored colander? Tell your remaining colleagues to follow instructions.” And don’t run in the halls...
“We have a letter that has been translated. You should read that. It is signed by your minister.” Cajoling works in the movies. “No. This is no good. No visa.”
Finally we get it. It’s a shakedown. Good. As soon as he takes a bribe we’ll have his entire ministry back in here. We aren’t tourists and we don’t work for big oil. We don’t *do* corruption.
“Ah! There is a fine. How much is the fine for entering without a visa?” wait for it…
“There is no fine. You must go back.” Firm, concise, shocking.
Slackjawed and defeated we got back onto our plane. The South African stewardess was happy to see us at least. “This means I don’t have to give you the safety briefing!” Very true. It also means you have to listen to another 90 minutes of gallows humor. “Have you heard of ‘dead baby jokes’? No?”
Excellent.